Give a girl some relationship advice?

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thread starter Namine Jul 08 2010 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. He says he loves and at times, I believe it. BUT I don't trust him- like hell. Trust is one thing you need in a relationship. But I've been hurt 3 times while I was together with him. He says that I'm his first girlfriend in a while and he doesn't know what to do. He suffers from depression so he acts (?) like he NEEDS me. Details of our previous fights: 1) I found interesting pictures of girls that I thought were from girls he knew. He says that they weren't and he deleted them when he found out they bothered me. 2) He said that my best friend's eyes turned him on and was teasing me, or so he says. Said that I always say how hott Johnny Depp is and he just wanted me to get jealous too but MY BEST FRIEND? I got over this. Sort of. 3) I found some texts on his phone from a few months back where he flirts with his girl friends. Things like "Hey Sexy", "i miss u babe", and "are you going to be a tease or are you actually going to visit me". This is the breaking point where my trust flew out the window. He says that they're all just friends and he meant NOTHING by them. He stopped play flirting when he found out I didn't like the pictures as mentioned in #1 so he stopped this too. But I don't quite see it that way. So what should I do? I don't love him but I still enjoy his company. I do love BEING with him. It's just the lack of trust that makes a further attraction impossible. Can this trust be rebuilt? Or from what happened, it's impossible? Or am I being a high maintenance, girlfriend biotch who is demanding too much? EDIT: I can't believe I forgot this. It's not THAT important but it's another reason I wonder if he's lying to me. He was over my house once and I let him use my computer while I shower. Now, he knows that I record all my AIM conversations. All of them are automatically archived. I use Google Chrome so I could see if someone looks at them. I come back after my shower and I see him looking at my desktop and then leaves for a bit. I see that he looked at my chat logs with my best friend and some others. I asked him if he looked at one of them and he denied it until I showed him the history on the browser. He said sorry but insisted on not have looked at the others (I didn't bother bringing that up because I knew he was lying and I didn't want to start an argument). I brought it up a week later though and he said that he wanted to make sure I was still happy being with him but he didn't want me to know. Intentions good or not, he practically SWORE that he didn't look at any logs.

My Characters: TurnipNonion - 46 Bera Assassin

mrguy9 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

break up. 1st time my butt. did you see how he flirts?

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MistaFanxD 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

There is always a better person out there somewhere. Trust is easy to be destroyed but it is also really hard at building back up. I think the 3rd argument is a wake up call of how disloyal he can be to you. You can stick with him if you like being around him, but just remember that he can break your heart again or worst then he has so far.

My Characters: DislikesPie - 53 KradiaGMS Aran in Memory

Namine + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] MistaFanxD : There is always a better person out there somewhere. Trust is easy to be destroyed but it is also really hard at building back up. I think the 3rd argument is a wake up call of how disloyal he can be to you. You can stick with him if you like being around him, but just remember that he can break your heart again or worst then he has so far. [/quote] I completely agree. I told him that I don't want to get hurt again (I have nightmares about him cheating on me still) but he really gets upset when I bring it up. He bawls like a kid and I don't know if it's his depression acting up, true regret of doing it, or upset that I found them. mrguy9 : i told him that he's too much of a flirt to me and he said that he really doesn't know how to flirt. Things he said (like "hey sexy"), he also says to his guy friends as a joke sometimes. But I don't know. He even wanted his friends to vouch for him but that wasn't a solution.

My Characters: TurnipNonion - 46 Bera Assassin

Revenge80 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Trust is like a piece of paper, once its crumbled it can never be the same.

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Monster1117 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Wow. From what you have said, i don't understand why you HAVEN'T broke up with him. Enjoy his company? Like being around him? You can find someone WAY better you spend your time, who will actually respect and enjoy it. If i could vote twenty times on break-up, i would.

My Characters: LiquidFire33 - 50 Windia Evan 5th Growth

KajiReborn 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

You don't love him, but, you love being with him. Talk to him and tell him that you guys should just be friends. Guys are jerks. I know 'cause I am one. >.> Girls can atract a male easily... So yeah. Just find a more mature type of guy.

My Characters: KajiHideki - 57 Bera Bandit

Colonel 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Namine : I don't love him [/quote] there ya go.

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Aysur + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I think the trust can be built up if he hasn't done anything completely devastating to you (like cheating).

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MistaFanxD 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Namine : I completely agree. I told him that I don't want to get hurt again (I have nightmares about him cheating on me still) but he really gets upset when I bring it up. He bawls like a kid and I don't know if it's his depression acting up, true regret of doing it, or upset that I found them. mrguy9 : i told him that he's too much of a flirt to me and he said that he really doesn't know how to flirt. Things he said (like "hey sexy"), he also says to his guy friends as a joke sometimes. But I don't know. He even wanted his friends to vouch for him but that wasn't a solution. [/quote] If I was from his point of view i would probably both regret doing it but also upset that you found out about it. Trust me, you deserve someone better than him. Also the way he acts when you found out about it pretty much gave it away..

My Characters: DislikesPie - 53 KradiaGMS Aran in Memory

Puppy 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

One of my guy friends sounds kind of like that. He has plenty of pictures of other girls on his phone and he has a gf. He even asks me to come over and stuff. Maybe your bf is just REALLY FLIRTY. o _ o" I think you should talk to him about all that..if he's not the type to freak out. Andnd all trust can be rebuilt but only if you let it. Plus, I really never understood the whole "break from eachother" concept.. It's practically breaking up, with a "maybe we can go out later" on the side. Is it really just his company you enjoy? Do you think of him more as a friend than an actual "bf"? Just remember that there's over 3 billion other guys out there so don't feel so limited. Like..IF you decide later it doesn't work out, it's not exactly the worst thing ever....if you sorta get what I mean.. > > PS: You're totally not being high-maintenance. :D

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Cynic 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

My boyfriend of 6 months pretends to be depressed and suicidal in order to get the attention of me as well as others around him. It is really quite annoying as we know for a fact he is making up problems that he never had; but problems that other people out there have had. He does it for pity, and it's getting very obvious. We've talked to him about it, but he keeps doing it, and I think it's time to break up soon. This is a little off-topic, but just something to think about.

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scottll 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Namine : Things he said (like "hey sexy"), he also says to his guy friends as a joke sometimes. But I don't know. [/quote] completely different situations we're talking about, i've done that with my friends a couple times, but saying that in a text, IM, or any sort of message that only they can see (except if they choose to show it), is crossing the line

My Characters: scotll - 135 Bera I/L Arch Mage

Namine + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cynic : My boyfriend of 6 months pretends to be depressed and suicidal in order to get the attention of me as well as others around him. It is really quite annoying as we know for a fact he is making up problems that he never had; but problems that other people out there have had. He does it for pity, and it's getting very obvious. We've talked to him about it, but he keeps doing it, and I think it's time to break up soon. This is a little off-topic, but just something to think about. [/quote] I always wondered that too but I'm pretty close with his mom and she told me about his long history of depression and ADD. He has meds for it but stopped taking them when we started dating because apparently "He doesn't need them to be happy when he's with me". scottll : didn't think about it like that. Hmm Puppy : Yeah sometimes I do feel like he's more of a friend. I suggested that we be friends when I wanted to break up with him over #3 but he said that was impossible since he'd always be in love with me. Being friends just won't happen for him.

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ELightning 07/08/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

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