So, I have this, problem I guess

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thread starter HolyMythos Apr 05 2010 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

A year or two ago I had posted a blog on my profil3 that basically stated that I wanted to get a disease or to get hurt in an accident. The blog has since been deleted. I just shrugged the feelings off as my need for attention since I didn't really feel important to my friends and that I was single. But now I do see myself as important to my friends and I've got a wonderful boyfriend, and I still have these feelings. It's hard to explain. I don't want to die, and I don't want to kill myself or anything. I just want to get hurt. Like when I'm driving, I always think "What if I just drove onto the other side of the road and hit a car head on?" or when I'm walking down a street I think "What if I just jumped out in front of one of these cars?" I even have dreams where I get diseases and cancer and I wake up happy, like it was a wonderful dream. I don't know what it means. I mean, I'm happy with my life. My family is going good, my love life is good, my friends are great, and my grades are coming along wonderful. Its just that I'm constantly stuck thinking "I wonder what would happen if I had this disease" or "I wonder how people would treat me if I had this cancer". I've even contemplated breaking an arm or a leg just to have crutches. Does anyone know why I keep thinking like this? Because I sure as hell don't. And I would make this as a blog on my profil3, but Brian would see it and I don't want him to.

My Characters: OnePhantasy - 41 Broa Cleric

TheOrange 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

You want to know how true your friends are, I guess.

My Characters: RagingKoi - 77 KradiaGMS Sniper

Narcissus + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I actually think that same thing quite a lot, actually. Even when I'm content with my life. "I could just run into that streetlight right now." Personally, I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 13, and decided not to opt to medicine to make me feel 'alright'. It varies from person to person though. It is human nature to wonder about how life would be once you're dead as well, or in pain. Realllly depends.

My Characters: LexiconDoll - 130 Windia I/L Arch Mage

HolyMythos 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Narcissus : I actually think that same thing quite a lot, actually. Even when I'm content with my life. "I could just run into that streetlight right now." Personally, I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 13, and decided not to opt to medicine to make me feel 'alright'. It varies from person to person though. It is human nature to wonder about how life would be once you're dead as well, or in pain. Realllly depends. [/quote] But that's just the thing. I don't wonder about death at all. I don't want to die. I just want to be really sick. Like, I know it's horrible to say, but I honestly wish I had a type of cancer.

My Characters: OnePhantasy - 41 Broa Cleric

Narcissus 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] HolyMythos : But that's just the thing. I don't wonder about death at all. I don't want to die. I just want to be really sick. Like, I know it's horrible to say, but I honestly wish I had a type of cancer. [/quote] I guess it's just one of those things. Maybe you'd like to experience what many other people experience because they have no other option. Maybe you'd like to know what it's like to be in that position, or maybe you'd like the positive reinforcement people would give you because of it. Maybe you want to know what it's like to be seen in a different way than you normally are. I mean that's a lot of maybes, but there's no way to tell exactly what it could be unless you yourself already know.

My Characters: LexiconDoll - 130 Windia I/L Arch Mage

Bramblestar 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Were you ever injured or sick often as a child? I have dreams where I kill myself by jumping off a building and I wake up laughing. I don't know why though, suicide is a thought that doesn't cross my mind.(Not often or of recent memory at least) I think what these dreams really are is a way of our subconscious communicating with us. It's just a mystery of the brain I guess.

My Characters: IshootUido - 30 Bera Gunslinger

dappersnake 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Yeah, you are a bugchaser

My Characters: DAPPERSNAKE - 120 DemethosGMS Night Lord

Mudkip 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

You're masochistic, welcome to the club.

My Characters: GiftedWizard - 10 Khaini Magician

HolyMythos + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Narcissus : I guess it's just one of those things. Maybe you'd like to experience what many other people experience because they have no other option. Maybe you'd like to know what it's like to be in that position, or maybe you'd like the positive reinforcement people would give you because of it. Maybe you want to know what it's like to be seen in a different way than you normally are. I mean that's a lot of maybes, but there's no way to tell exactly what it could be unless you yourself already know. [/quote] Hmph x.X It just bugs me because I have no one to tell this to in real life, nor do I have the money to pay for a psychologist. And I feel like it is kind of a big thing, but I don't want to go all out on it just to find out it's normal. But I feel like it isn't. Gah. @Bramble: No, I was hardly sick when I was younger. Sure, I got colds and stuff, but nothing big. Biggest was pneumonia in 10th grade. @Dapper: No. That's just.... no.

My Characters: OnePhantasy - 41 Broa Cleric

Narcissus + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] HolyMythos : Hmph x.X It just bugs me because I have no one to tell this to in real life, nor do I have the money to pay for a psychologist. And I feel like it is kind of a big thing, but I don't want to go all out on it just to find out it's normal. But I feel like it isn't. Gah. @Bramble: No, I was hardly sick when I was younger. Sure, I got colds and stuff, but nothing big. Biggest was pneumonia in 10th grade. [/quote] Well you should tell your boyfriend or someone you consider a close friend. I know it seems really odd to talk about, cause you can't just say "SO I WAS THINKING THAT CANCER WOULD BE NICE" out of nowhere, but if they love you they'd love to be there to talk to you about it. Friends are free psychologists. It probably is normal, and you're most likely not alone in feeling that way honestly. Once you start acting on it, if ever you do, or you actually do attempt to get a deadly disease or harm yourself, that's when it crosses a line.

My Characters: LexiconDoll - 130 Windia I/L Arch Mage

RaveTechnician 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Too deep for me 2 swim in Brah.

My Characters: ScottThePage - 40 Galicia Page

Bramblestar 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] HolyMythos : Hmph x.X It just bugs me because I have no one to tell this to in real life, nor do I have the money to pay for a psychologist. And I feel like it is kind of a big thing, but I don't want to go all out on it just to find out it's normal. But I feel like it isn't. Gah. @Bramble: No, I was hardly sick when I was younger. Sure, I got colds and stuff, but nothing big. Biggest was pneumonia in 10th grade. @Dapper: No. That's just.... no. [/quote] It could be that you knew someone that one of these scenarios happened to. You saw that they received attention while you were forgotten possibly. You could have a hidden desire to receive that attention. The thought was most likely embedded into your mind only appearing recently due to some event triggering it.

My Characters: IshootUido - 30 Bera Gunslinger

magich0ia + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Oh I've thought of things like that too. Like what if I just got in a random car accident or what if I passed out right here. I don't know what it means. Maybe just curiousity? I hope...

My Characters: xLunaBella - 86 Broa Sniper

HolyMythos + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Bramblestar : It could be that you knew someone that one of these scenarios happened to. You saw that they received attention while you were forgotten possibly. You could have a hidden desire to receive that attention. The thought was most likely embedded into your mind only appearing recently due to some event triggering it. [/quote] Not that I know of. The first time I ever knew someone who died was my grandma when I was 10, and she died relatively quick for me to even know what had happened. After that, it was my senior year of high school when my grandpa died, but I had already felt like this before he had. I've never had a friend who had died of cancer or anything. @Narcissus: But I hate talking to my friends about me I've never been able to do it. Especially on something this big of a scale. Blah. This is just stupid. I just feel stupid. @Above: I've had those thoughts too... but most of the time it's always worse. Like I have the "I wonder what would happen if..." situation, but most of the time it's "I wonder how people would react if I were to deliberately drive into a lake". It's just different than the usual what ifs. Like, I feel really compelled to do it.

My Characters: OnePhantasy - 41 Broa Cleric

LEGENDairy 04/05/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

This is sorta similar to dreams, how you think of those 'if this happened' kind of thoughts, fall asleep and have a chance of dreaming about those exact things coming true. But yeah, I sometimes have these moments where I just sit and think...

My Characters: SupImDaSin - 42 KradiaGMS Assassin