Traitors Prologue

basilmarket.com forums : Warrior | 15 posts archived

thread starter infferrno Jul 07 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

My little rant: I started posting this in General section... this is completely thrown towards them: Why does everyone fricken say WALL OF TEXT before even reading... >.> Then there are others saying I COPIED my ideas from this story called MS Addicts that I've never heard of until today!@#$ Oh and the best part... no constructive criticism anywhere... my thread died in 1 minute FLAT in the General Section... Sorry... I just think that if someone took the time and effort to do something, the least they could get is a responsive that didn't prick their feelings or to intentionally bring them down... yes it hurts... What else I noticed? People are more worried about the actual mother @#$%ing format than the material... "ZOMG PARAGRAPHS PLOX!@#" is not my idea of good feedback.../rant EDIT: This is why I have returned this to the Warrior section... before I wanted everyone to read this because I prefer to spread it... but I guess the only place I can get any positive feedback and improve is here. Prologue: The world, an end shall see And a kingdom undone A dark age there shall be When all bow to one. Child of Fire, Ice, and Thunder Shall cause the earth to sunder. For by Bera the child shall be evoked He, a passion of vengeance shall be cloaked For blood shall be spilt for blood�s death And all shall fall to the Reaper�s depth. -Goddess Minerva -- A low guttural roar swept across the rugged plains of Perion, echoing in the distant mountains, the humid air adding tension to the peaceful grounds, as if the very land was holding its breath; waiting for the inevitable. Amidst the rugged terrain, a village lay nestled in an indentation in the earth. As the night dragged on, the winds dampened and a deep sigh seemed to rise from the ground as the land let up its pent up breath, sweeping across the withered and charred ground. The browned stalks of grass rose in the tender breeze, dancing along with the gentle rays of the moon. A murmur ran through the plains as the gentle wind wafted through the darkened grass. A blanket of silence and darkness lay over the lands as Night herself held the earth in her calming arms. -- Somewhere in the distance, amongst the sparse vegetation and jagged rocks, a shadow stirred. In the dark of a willowy tree, a tall figure rose to full height and stepped from the shadows. The darkness seemed to melt off his form, crawling off him as if in fear, back into the night. As the darkness subsided, the features of a muscular man became prominent. The man stood at over six feet tall, thick, dark, coarse hair cascaded from his cranium, held together with a loose headband. A thick ropy scar ran from his bony cheek down into the depths of the bandana covering the bottom half of his face. His skin looked withered and dry; an unhealthy brown hue lay on his hide. Light leather armor adorned his figure, cracked and covered in dirt from travel. Mail backed gloves were set on his coarse hands and steel plated boots fastened to his feet. The d

MegaCamm 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I actually read the entire thing and I enjoyed it. Good descriptions, and keep up the good work.

infferrno 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Wow... I really enjoy this section more... the first post in General was: Wall of Text anyone?

123kaci123 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

LOL thats intense looks like something i would read... but yea im wanna find out what the warriors did that got the thievs mad MORE PLZ

evaforever Jul 07 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Interesting,it's somewhat of a reversed role. I don't know and nor can I tell much about this story so far,but usually,Thieves are the backstabbers,or traitors,now in your story it seems to be the opposite. The "child" must be a White Knight,maybe the child of the Goddess,wielder of Light? :P Overall,as usual,I love your writing,wish I could say the same for mine LOL

LeperGnome 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

To start, I wanted to say the first paragraph was the beginning of a masterful stroke and in the horizon a potentially amazing story will smash in Basil like a tsunami of pure creativity. Other words great job. =]

infferrno Jul 07 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

evaforever said: "Interesting,it's somewhat of a reversed role. I don't know and nor can I tell much about this story so far,but usually,Thieves are the backstabbers,or traitors,now in your story it seems to be the opposite. The "child" must be a White Knight,maybe the child of the Goddess,wielder of Light? :P Overall,as usual,I love your writing,wish I could say the same for mine LOL" ;) Might be reversed might not be, might be WK, might not be. As for your writing. you should post and let everyone critique. I'm sure it'll be fine. :D Edit: If only every section wasn't rude...

123kaci123 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

LeperGnome said: "To start, I wanted to say the first paragraph was the beginning of a masterful stroke and in the horizon a potentially amazing story will smash in Basil like a tsunami of pure creativity. Other words great job. =]" THIS

LeperGnome 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

From pure speculation, i am guessing the traitors are the Mages.

sakib 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

nice work, excellent detail ;D

evaforever Jul 07 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

infferrno said: " ;) Might be reversed might not be, might be WK, might not be. As for your writing. you should post and let everyone critique. I'm sure it'll be fine. :D Edit: If only every section wasn't rude..." I've posted it up before,on MMOBlogs or something,another site that was by Mr.Basil but got closed down due to lack of traffic. xD The problem with my writing is that every time I re-read it,I find it worse than before,and I re-read many times,eventually,I think it's a piece of trash despite positive comments from other people. So far,I've only got a single piece of work I actually think is good,I've re-read it many times and it has the opposite effect of my usual work,wrote it a few years ago too. P.S.:Warrior Forum+Bowman Forum seem to be the nicest ones on Basil,although I haven't gone to the Tech part much,it's not really a forum for "fun" but I hear the people there are really helpful. xD

infferrno 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

evaforever said: " I've posted it up before,on MMOBlogs or something,another site that was by Mr.Basil but got closed down due to lack of traffic. xD The problem with my writing is that every time I re-read it,I find it worse than before,and I re-read many times,eventually,I think it's a piece of trash despite positive comments from other people. So far,I've only got a single piece of work I actually think is good,I've re-read it many times and it has the opposite effect of my usual work,wrote it a few years ago too. P.S.:Warrior Forum+Bowman Forum seem to be the nicest ones on Basil,although I haven't gone to the Tech part much,it's not really a forum for "fun" but I hear the people there are really helpful. xD" What you said is the EXACT reason why I quit Corruption. xD but post your piece that you like. xD

malauching 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Its nice post, quite enjoyable reading. Wouldn't mind reading the next part. Keep it up.

thefighter 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Cool, I'm never mean about your wokr though I think it's great :DDD And uh, yea, I got nothing else :D

masamunee 07/07/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Nice to see you got descriptions down. Let's see how the rest of this goes. Oh yeah, gimme my review. It's been one day already. D:<