thread starter judgingbastard Aug 13 2010
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| There are 7 levels of fatness. What kind are you? Level 1 - Borderline FAT -You're starting to get Moobs -You wear a t-shirt to the beach but dont take it off immediately. You gauge the fatness of those around you first, then you remove the shirt. -You start working out the first time you can't see your wee wee or vee vee. Then stop when you can see it again. Cycle repeats -After eating at major holidays, you say stuff like: MAN, im getting fat! Only so you can hear people around you say, no your not silly! your not fat! -You tell people anytime you ran more than two miles. Level 2 - Kinda FAT -You walk that fine line where your fat is sort of sexy, not fat. People say they like how "thick" you are. -Certain positions that you get into when your naked make you look REALLY FAT. -Your fat accentuates positive traits on your body. For women, your boobs look bigger. While men actually look stronger. But in reality, youre just sort of a squishy mass. -you've been meaning to exercise more, but you still get laid, so not alot of incentive there. -You say things like "(insert food item) is my weakness. If i could just cut that out, i'd lose ten pounds. -You do it with the lights dimmed but not off. Level 3 - Party Animal FAT -Your fat is considered "part of what makes you, you!" -You use your fat to make jokes and not fat enough that its awkward for peopel to laugh at those jokes. -The thought occurs to you, that people might be laughing at your fat, not with your fat. -No more than 2 ppl in ur life hav attemted to have a <3 to <3 with u about ur fatness -You get short of breath easily, but have enough energy to playfully wrestle someone for 10-15 seconds Level 4: Sporty FAT -Your fat sits on top of muscles, when you pull back the fat, you can see those muscles. -You work out, but also eat hamburgers and say stuff like "this is the only workout i need" -Ppl say stuff like "He's quick for a big guy, when realy they mean, hes not as slow as his fat would indicate! -Skinny friends joke around about how they could kick your ass, then give you fake punches to your belly -Once you cease actively playing sports, you get exponentially fatter! Level 5: Just FAT -People glance at you then quickly turn away because of your fat. -You begin to wear raw materials like sheet o fabric cor tarp. -In order to wipe yourself, you have to gerry-rig some thing. Like a big fat Macgyver. -You can still walk under your own power, but your feet move as much side to side as they do forward when walking -You can physically hide something under a fold of your fat, and it will stay there until you remove it. Level 6: Surrender FAT: -Your legs no longer become useful, they've just become thingsyou have to itch sometimes -You ride something up to a table, eat, then ride away from that table. -You no longer care if people stare, you just want to be as comfortable as ou can, dignity be damned. -You don't talk about dieting to lose weight, you talk about surgery. -You now get the same per |
