Girlfriends and her friends

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thread starter Forensics Jul 31 2010 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Hi there, basil market. I was having a few questions and also wanting some advice about my girlfriend. A little bit of History: We have been together for 7months and for the most part, it has been amazing. and i have honestly never felt this in love before. There is one thing that just gives me a pain as if someone has stabbed me. And that one thing is my girlfriend when she gets around her friends. Everytime my girlfriend is around her friends i'm always ignored. Another problem my girlfriend has is doing stuff, such as texting me off her friends phone flirting, seeing what i will reply, putting fake notes in my lockers from her friends, and so on and so on.My girlfirend also makes it a point to call me when certian friends are over that she has accused me of liking when we first got together, which i do not. My girlfriend went on vacation a few weeks ago and asked her friend if she would go with her, and during that time my girlfriend and her friend texted me pretending to be my girlfriend ex boyfriend from a few years ago and I was very mad and i asked her if she had texted her friends boyfriend like she did me and she said no and asked me why, and i said it would bother me.The next day, she tells me she did text her friends boyfriend pulling a similar prank, and i broke up with her for the first time in 7 months. Her excuse was "I wanted to be a goodfriend, and i didnt need her mad at me while we are on vacation." This really bothered me because that guy had made some pretty smart comments to me before. Needless to say, we got back together. I had talked to her about how she changes when she is around her friends before and explained to her, i was tired of the little games and lies because it made me feel used and like i was some type of joke. Also, my mother passed away before me and my girlfriend were together, we had went on a a date or so before but we were not serious. and the day this happened my girlfriends mother came to my house to bring food and stuff, and my girlfriend did not come. I was asking her why the other day, and she said "The honest reason, my friend was spending the night with me and i didn't want to be rude and ask her to leave and i really regret that more than anything" That seriously killed part of me. I really love this girl, but i can't explain the feeling i have just feeling like i'm not as important as her friends are to her. What are your thoughts, any advice?

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xoxKawaii 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

the girl's playing you. dump her.

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Forensics 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I understand she needs to be with her friends, and I am perfectly fine with that. It's the games and stuff she does while she's around them I do not understand. As far as being embarssed about me, no i don't think so, i ussually sit with her and her friends at lunch before i graduated.

My Characters: inspectormax - 144 Scania Bishop

sammis 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

aznkwonboa - "Maybe i'm clingly for just wanting to feel half way important." - Is screaming low self-esteem. No, having the person you love go out of their way to do something small to make you feel important, is not being clingy or having low self-esteem. That's what people who love each other do. They think about each other. They consider each other's feelings. They do special things to make one another happy just because. To Forensics: She does have trust issues, that's most definitely certain. Those games she plays with her friends where she pretends to be them and flirts with you plainly shows she wants to prove to herself that she can't trust you. It's possible she's been hurt in the past, or had someone cheat on her. But nevertheless, those are some cruel games to be playing, and she needs to get over her issues. If she can't trust you then she can't love you. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Good luck.

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aznkwonboa 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

A relationship is built upon mutual understanding and agreement. Go talk to her, then make your decision.

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sceneangelx + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

*edit she's clearly messing with you, im not sure what to say o.o

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Forensics 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] sammis : aznkwonboa - "Maybe i'm clingly for just wanting to feel half way important." - Is screaming low self-esteem. No, having the person you love go out of their way to do something small to make you feel important, is not being clingy or having low self-esteem. That's what people who love each other do. They think about each other. They consider each other's feelings. They do special things to make one another happy just because. To Forensics: She does have trust issues, that's most definitely certain. Those games she plays with her friends where she pretends to be them and flirts with you plainly shows she wants to prove to herself that she can't trust you. It's possible she's been hurt in the past, or had someone cheat on her. But nevertheless, those are some cruel games to be playing, and she needs to get over her issues. If she can't trust you then she can't love you. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Good luck. [/quote] Thank you so much for your advice. I think the next time something happens we're going to sit down and have a long talk about everything. I really do feel like she loves me and she is there for me, she did a lot of stuff for me during that period with my mother that my family didnt even do. And she has really gone out of her way to help me out with some other things, it's just sometimes i feel like i'm a joke to her.

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Kaboobs 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Obviously she doesn't think the relationship is as deep s you think it is.

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inMyBeep 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Break up with her. She's being a jerk, acting cold towards you with her friends, her personality has changed. And that last bit was horrible. Who'd do such a thing to her mother? She's acting everything out.. She seems to be having some trust issues with her friends, and she seems to care more about them. She's going to put on teh " Friendzone. " " Hey... we can STILL be friends~ <33 :3. " Which 70% chance will not happen.

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aznkwonboa 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] sammis : No, having the person you love go out of their way to do something small to make you feel important, is not being clingy or having low self-esteem. That's what people who love each other do. They think about each other. They consider each other's feelings. They do special things to make one another happy just because. To Forensics: She does have trust issues, that's most definitely certain. Those games she plays with her friends where she pretends to be them and flirts with you plainly shows she wants to prove to herself that she can't trust you. It's possible she's been hurt in the past, or had someone cheat on her. But nevertheless, those are some cruel games to be playing, and she needs to get over her issues. If she can't trust you then she can't love you. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Good luck. [/quote] That may be so, but expecting your significant other to do those things is borderline clingy. 'Feeling important' wouldn't even be a problem if TS and his girlfriend communicated more. It's as you say, but TS and his other have created this wall between each other by not communicating. Cast aside your frustration, bring down that wall, get her alone and talk.

My Characters: 42nKwonBoA - 110 Scania Ranger

IirabEvangelist 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

omg dude... its not really the same type of thing you dealing with, but this girl i was dating's friends... jesus christ, help me lord

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sammis + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Np, it's good that you can talk to each other, and I hope you can help her overcome her trust issues because you do sound like a very understanding boyfriend. EDIT: I just thought that maybe it's a possibility that she feels some kind of peer pressure from her friends. They don't have a problem with you or feel intimidated by you do they? If not then just ignore this.

My Characters: HannaLynn - 133 Mardia Bishop

Forensics 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

"EDIT: I just thought that maybe it's a possibility that she feels some kind of peer pressure from her friends. They don't have a problem with you or feel intimidated by you do they? If not then just ignore this." As a matter of facts, her friends have made some rather rude remarks about me and have tried to get her to leave me. I guess it's because i'm two years older and they just don't want her to be hurt. I'm not really sure though.

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sammis 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Could be them trying to convince her not to trust you if they think you'll hurt her. Just talk to her about it. Communicate your feelings as well as listen to hers. I'm sure you'll be fine.

My Characters: HannaLynn - 133 Mardia Bishop

Forensics 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

We've been together for over half a year, and that isn't so common while in highschool, I don't think. I understand them being concerned at first, but I mean we've lasted longer than any of her friends so far, I just don't know. Thanks for your help.

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Regulus133 07/31/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] seeAreaction : but anyways, put yourself in her shoes... would you really ditch your friends for your partner... i dont think so [unless your whipped] [/quote] Some people genuinely prefer the relationship they have with their partner to the relationships they have with their friends. They don't have to be "whipped" for that to be the case. However, if you meant what you said in the context of young relationships that probably won't last very long, I can understand. TS, I don't think you're too clingy, and I have to wonder what those who think you are believe a relationship should be. It sounds like your girlfriend is not very understanding. If she can neither integrate you into her group of friends nor make time for you when you need it most, she is not, in my opinion, girlfriend material.

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