Need help with English

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thread starter Corbenik Jul 28 2010 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I need to shorten this part of my essay as much as possible. [quote] Intro : Since the 1970s, HIV and AIDs have grown to a worldwide pandemic. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 40 million people currently suffer from the disease. High risk behaviours for HIV transmittion include unprotected sex and needle sharing in intravenous drug usage. Because both behaviours occur in social situations, with sexual transmission occurring in particularly intimate contexts, there should be a strong relationship between attachment styles to various aspects of safer sex behaviour and drug use. In addition, individual attachment styles should be a factor coping and adjustment to stigma associated with HIV, as the disease has significant impacts on the individuals relationships with others. Attachment style can be conceptualized in several different ways. Each style reflects the characteristics of one's emotional bonds with others, with secure being the healthiest bond involving positive views of the self and others, and insecure attachment styles reflecting negative views of the self, of others, or a combination of both. Of the insecure attachment style, anxious attachment (also called anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied) is associated with excessive need for closeness and anxiety over relationships . In later models, the avoidant attachment style is separated into two, with dismissing avoidant reflecting the classical paradigm of avoidant attachment (ie, desire to avoid intimacy, using withdrawal as a defensive mechanism), and fearful-avoidant, associated with negative working models of the self and others, and both anxious and avoidant behaviour. The following studies reveal the extent that insecure attachment has significant effects sexual behaviour in at risk populations, negotiation of condom use, motivations for unsafe sex for HIV positive patients. They also examine how insecure attachment is related to emotional distress, adjustment and coping for HIV+ status individuals and how attachment styles mediate heavy drug usage through reactions to distress and insecurity in relationships. [/quote] However, there are some key points that need to be preserved. 1. Need to point out the importance of AIDS research 2. Need to establish the relationship between attachment and HIV/AIDS 3. Need to define attachment styles 4. Need to provide an overview of what the studies will cover I think it can be shortened, but I've been struggling with it for the past 3 hours and have nothing. Any suggestions on what stuff I can cut or reword?

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Fabregas 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I have not a clue of what kind of response you want.

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omegablivion 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Darn, if only the iPod could scroll down to the rest of this essay then I could help.

SpearCrusher + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I just copied it into my word document, I will post it again when I shorten it EDIT: I will also fix spelling errors and stuff

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Corbenik 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Thanks :D "Avoidant" isn't a spelling error btw, I noticed my Word kept underlining it :P

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SnowFTW 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Lawl if thats the length of your essay you are damn lucky. I have to do a 1500-2000 word essay in a period of one week one why paper is BETTER then email!

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Corbenik 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] SnowFTW : Lawl if thats the length of your essay you are damn lucky. I have to do a 1500-2000 word essay in a period of one week one why paper is BETTER then email! [/quote] No, that's the length of my introduction.

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SnowFTW 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Corbenik : No, that's the length of my introduction. [/quote] Brb as i change my pants.

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Manaphy777 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Lol aids -_-

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SpearCrusher 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I did the best I could, it is shorter than before, but I tried, here it is: Since 1970, HIV/AIDs have grown to a worldwide pandemic. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 40 million people are suffering from the disease. Risky behaviours for HIV transmission include unprotected sex and needle sharing in intravenous drug usage. Because both behaviours occur in social situations, with sexual transmission occurring in particularly intimate contexts, there is a strong relationship between attachment styles to various aspects of safer sex behaviour and drug use. Also, individual attachment styles are factor coping and adjustment to stigma associated with HIV, as the disease has significant impacts on the individuals relationships with others. Attachment style can be conceptualized in various ways. Each style reflects the characteristics of one's emotional bonds with others, secure being the healthiest bond involving positive views of the self and others, and insecure attachment styles reflecting negative views of the self, of others, or a combination of both. Of the insecure attachment style, anxious attachment (also called anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied) is associated with excessive need for closeness and anxiety over relationships. In later models, the avoidant attachment style�s separated into two, dismissing avoidant reflecting the classical paradigm of avoidant attachment (desire to avoid intimacy, using withdrawal as a defensive mechanism), and fearful-avoidant, associated with negative working models of the self and others, and both anxious and avoidant behaviour. These studies reveal the extent that insecure attachment has significant effects, sexual behaviour in at risk populations, negotiation of condom use, motivations for unsafe sex for HIV positive patients. They also examine how insecure attachment is related to emotional distress, adjustment and coping for HIV+ status individuals and how attachment styles of heavy drug usage by through reactions to distress and insecurity in relationships.

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SnowFTW 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] SpearCrusher : I did the best I could, it is shorter than before, but I tried, here it is: Since 1970, HIV/AIDs have grown to a worldwide pandemic. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 40 million people are suffering from the disease. Risky behaviours for HIV transmission include unprotected sex and needle sharing in intravenous drug usage. Because both behaviours occur in social situations, with sexual transmission occurring in particularly intimate contexts, there is a strong relationship between attachment styles to various aspects of safer sex behaviour and drug use. Also, individual attachment styles are factor coping and adjustment to stigma associated with HIV, as the disease has significant impacts on the individuals relationships with others. Attachment style can be conceptualized in various ways. Each style reflects the characteristics of one's emotional bonds with others, secure being the healthiest bond involving positive views of the self and others, and insecure attachment styles reflecting negative views of the self, of others, or a combination of both. Of the insecure attachment style, anxious attachment (also called anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied) is associated with excessive need for closeness and anxiety over relationships. In later models, the avoidant attachment style�s separated into two, dismissing avoidant reflecting the classical paradigm of avoidant attachment (desire to avoid intimacy, using withdrawal as a defensive mechanism), and fearful-avoidant, associated with negative working models of the self and others, and both anxious and avoidant behaviour. These studies reveal the extent that insecure attachment has significant effects, sexual behaviour in at risk populations, negotiation of condom use, motivations for unsafe sex for HIV positive patients. They also examine how insecure attachment is related to emotional distress, adjustment and coping for HIV+ status individuals and how attachment styles of heavy drug usage by through reactions to distress and insecurity in relationships. [/quote] You sir, deserve a cookie.

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Corbenik 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Eeep, thank you but it's almost the exact same length >< Shorter by 14 words, but that helps!

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dreamglaze 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Since the 1970s, HIV and AIDs have grown to a worldwide pandemic. The World Health Organization reports that approximately 40 million people currently suffer from the disease. High-risk behaviours for HIV transmission include unprotected sex and needle sharing in intravenous drug usage. Because both behaviours occur in social situations, with sexual transmission occurring in particularly intimate contexts, there should be a positively strong relationship between attachment styles to various aspects of safer sex behaviour and drug use. In addition, individual attachment styles also play a role in coping and adjustment to stigma associated with HIV, as the disease has significant impacts on the individual�s relationships with others. Attachment style can be conceptualized in different ways, each reflecting the characteristics of one's emotional bonds with others. Secure is the healthiest bond, involving positive views of the self and others, while insecure attachment styles reflect negative views of the self, others, or both. Of the insecure attachment style, anxious attachment, also called anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied, is associated with excessive need for closeness and anxiety over relationships. In newer models, the avoidant attachment style is separated into two: dismissing-avoidant reflects the classical paradigm of avoidant attachment (i.e., desire to avoid intimacy using withdrawal as a defensive mechanism) and fearful-avoidant associates with negative working models of the self and others along with both anxious and avoidant behaviour. The following studies extensively reveal that insecure attachment has significant effects on the following: sexual behaviour at risk populations, negotiation of condom use, and motivations for unsafe sex for HIV positive patients. They also examine how insecure attachment is related to emotional distress, adjustment, and coping for HIV+ status individuals, and how attachment styles mediate heavy drug usage caused by reactions to distress and insecurity in relationships.

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Camdon + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] SpearCrusher : I did the best I could, it is shorter than before, but I tried, here it is: Since 1970, HIV/AIDs have grown to a worldwide pandemic. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 40 million people are suffering from the disease. Risky behaviours for HIV transmission include unprotected sex and needle sharing in intravenous drug usage. Because both behaviours occur in social situations, with sexual transmission occurring in particularly intimate contexts, there is a strong relationship between attachment styles to various aspects of safer sex behaviour and drug use. Also, individual attachment styles are factor coping and adjustment to stigma associated with HIV, as the disease has significant impacts on the individuals relationships with others. Attachment style can be conceptualized in various ways. Each style reflects the characteristics of one's emotional bonds with others, secure being the healthiest bond involving positive views of the self and others, and insecure attachment styles reflecting negative views of the self, of others, or a combination of both. Of the insecure attachment style, anxious attachment (also called anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied) is associated with excessive need for closeness and anxiety over relationships. In later models, the avoidant attachment style�s separated into two, dismissing avoidant reflecting the classical paradigm of avoidant attachment (desire to avoid intimacy, using withdrawal as a defensive mechanism), and fearful-avoidant, associated with negative working models of the self and others, and both anxious and avoidant behaviour. These studies reveal the extent that insecure attachment has significant effects including: sexual behaviour in at risk populations, negotiation of condom use, and motivations for unsafe sex for HIV positive patients. They also examine how insecure attachment is related to emotional distress, adjustment and coping for HIV+ status individuals and how attachment styles of heavy drug usage by through reactions to distress and insecurity in relationships. [/quote] Fixed a grammatical error (Bold)

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ISnowyI 07/28/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

You're introduction seems very.. informing, much more informing than an introduction should be. I don't know what level writing this is supposed to be, but within the first 4 sentences I got scared of reading the rest. I felt like I was reading the Terms of Service or whatever for Apple. I'ma edit this post when I'm done revising it. I might be able to shorten it, but I'm looking to change it in better ways to make it flow smoother.

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