Iambic Pentameter. GG.

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thread starter Cross May 26 2010 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Can someone help me with my sonnet? I just need someone to check it for me ;X First line our LOVE so DEEP, our WORLDS are ONE. conNECT. Second line it�s LIKE a GEM, just CRYstalLINE. ForEVER. Third line our LOVE so REAL, all TRUTH, no LIES. ResPECT. Fourth line it's LIKE sleep REM, angelic. HowEVER... Fifth line our FAIRY tale CRUMBles. FINally SELF-desTRUCTS. Is this right?

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

jaesang0 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

the last word ruins the lilting scheme, since I think you needa end with a strong accent

My Characters: Burgler123 - 64 Scania Assassin

Cross 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Isn't it PER-fec-TION? o3o

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

cypherigon + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cross : Isn't it PER-fec-TION? o3o [/quote] Quite the opposite. As for the monosyllabic words, I'm not sure if some of them fit. EDIT: By the opposite, I mean it's per-FECT-tion.

My Characters: GooshDit - 54 Khaini Night Walker

Cross 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

So I guess I should squeeze that into the middle then? Is it: LOVE so DEEP. our WORLDS are ONE(?). per-FEC-tion. I really suck at this.

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

cypherigon 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cross : So I guess I should squeeze that into the middle then? Is it: LOVE so DEEP. our WORLDS are ONE(?). per-FEC-tion. I really suck at this. [/quote] That sounds good. Yeah, I hate sonnets too. I had the hardest time writing mine. And we only needed one quatrain to be in iambic pentameter. D:

My Characters: GooshDit - 54 Khaini Night Walker

foamy666 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

my sonnet about going to a comberland farms almost everyday for a slushie, my teachers favorite, was an A A short walk to Comby�s almost everyday, rain or snow A journey for a slushie with some friends Whether it�s a group big or small we�ll go And it�s a great thing to have as a day ends There�s always laughter on the walk We�ll be back tomorrow is what we vow Going to Comby�s is a great time to talk We plan to keep going for slushies that wow A perfect mix of slushie and flavor About once a month a new flavor appears Some new flavors are only tried by the braver Some mixes taste so good they�re on a godly tier Comby�s is my favorite destination They have the best slushies in the nation

My Characters: l2comboo - 42 Galicia Aran in Memory

Cross 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I have to write about the theme that she gave to me, which is desperation for love ;X. 2nd line: Our love so pure, it�s crystalline. Forever.

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

jaxonerdo1994 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Its right... I had 2 do a 20 line iamicpentamiter(idk how to spell) poem also read it from much ado about nothing (shakespeare)

My Characters: Qw3rTy1994 - 152 Windia I/L Arch Mage

cypherigon 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cross : I have to write about the theme that she gave to me, which is desperation for love ;X. 2nd line: Our love so pure, it�s crystalline. Forever. [/quote] The 2nd line is good, if she allows you to have 11 syllables in a line. However, back to the first line, perfect is pronounced PER-fect, not per-FECT. :C

My Characters: GooshDit - 54 Khaini Night Walker

Cross 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

it�s LIKE a GEM, just CRYstalLINE. ForEVER. Alright, editted the 2nd line. How about if I change Perfect to "Connect"?

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

cypherigon 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cross : it�s LIKE a GEM, just CRYstalLINE. ForEVER. Alright, editted the 2nd line. How about if I change Perfect to "Connect"? [/quote] Both work. Just 12 more lines mang.

My Characters: GooshDit - 54 Khaini Night Walker

Cross 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

our LOVE so REAL, all TRUTH, no LIES. ResPECT. Third line done. I hope she doesn't get mad that I'm just getting words that rhyme and putting them at the end of each sentence ;X

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger

cypherigon 05/26/10 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

[quote] Cross : our LOVE so REAL, all TRUTH, no LIES. ResPECT. Third line done. I hope she doesn't get mad that I'm just getting words that rhyme and putting them at the end of each sentence ;X [/quote] That works too. I would help you out more, but I gotta go. D:

My Characters: GooshDit - 54 Khaini Night Walker

Cross + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Aw... But thanks so much for your help so far though Edit: Fourth line, it's LIKE sleep REM, anGELic. HowEVER...

My Characters: ReIoadinq - 37 Scania Gunslinger