chuck norris jokes!

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thread starter dacookiemaster Aug 27 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

share your jokes about chuck norris.. heres mine. chuck norris's tears have the power to cure cancer, but chuck norris dosnt cry. ROFLMAO edit more jokes! When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none." The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK aszaszination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shiz from anybody. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

MapleHut 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, it's a verb.

MELxOFxMS Aug 27 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris built the house he was born in. Chuck Norris can eat only ONE Lay. According to Einsteins law of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you yesterday. The meteors didn't make the dinosaurs extinct, Chuck just roundhouse kicked them all for thinking they were better than him. God can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land. Chuck Norris can beat you in a game of Connect Four in 3 turns. Chuck Norris doesn't think Frosted Flakes are GREAAAAATTTT. Freddie has nightmares about Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking him. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Chuck Norris doesn't recognize the Periodic Table because he only knows the element of Surprise. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but for Chuck Norris, one apple keeps the doctor away...forever. Chuck Norris can count to infinity twice. These were just from the top of my head.

xxbrizzxx 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Every night, The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes swimming, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, The water gets Chuck Norris When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down

BananaStickers 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Miffin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

MapleHut Aug 27 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Everybody loves Raymond, except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses stunt doubles during crying scenes. Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people. Chuck Norris can watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes. Chuck Norris doesn't wear protection because there is nothing that can protect you from Chuck Norris.

BananaStickers 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

CHuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink C:

dlo1073601 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus� birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

BananaStickers 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill

KewlEH 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris is more than just a Western movie actor. He's also the wet spot on the couch that is the Internet.

IHaveALIth 08/27/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Chuck Norris once put his roundhouse kick to the test against Bruce Lee's fists of fury. Chuck Norris is still alive.