I get nervous on phones

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thread starter Omegathorion Jul 10 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Recently, the girl I love has started calling me a lot. Normally we talk over Facebook; it's an online relationship so those are our only ways of communication. However, she had to have a surgery, so she's restricted to her bed for two months and can't go on her computer. So now she calls me instead. Thing is, when she calls me, I get really nervous. I start making excuses to hang up, such as my father calling me, or I tell her she should be doing something else other than talking to me. I'm not used to talking on phones, I really don't use mine much except for short conversations, typically stuff like "Hey, you coming to tennis today?" "Yeah, sure, what time?" "3:00, see you there." "Bye." I'm just more comfortable talking online typing words than actually speaking them, because when I was younger I used to stutter, I don't stutter anymore but I have a fear of people asking me to repeat myself. But I shouldn't be getting nervous with her because I really love her... or maybe I actually don't. I just really hate long awkward silences, always asking "What did you say?", turning up the volume because I can't hear her that clearly (I'm also half-deaf). But I'm worried that if I keep making excuses not to talk to her she'll think I don't want to talk to her, which is completely false. So, is there any way I can make myself more comfortable talking over phones? Since she's gone through a surgery recently I really want to be there for her, but I just feel too nervous on phones. Thanks a lot.

yoyonite2 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

CrimsonSpider said: " [quote]"Hey, you coming to tennis today?" "Yeah, sure, what time?" "3:00, see you there." ?" That was example of what he's comfortable on saying on the phone if he's talking to his friend. He doesn't mind short conversations like that but has problems with long conversations.

Omegathorion 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

yoyonite2 said: "I used to do that a lot but ever since I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years, it shouldn't matter what she would think about your speech. You admit the fact that you are who you are. If she doesn't accept you, then she's not the one for you. Try talking to her as if you were talking to your friends in real life. Tell her things that comfort her and try to keep the subject off of her surgery. Tell her that you have trouble talking on the phone, and hopefully she doesn't mind. Good luck." Thanks... she accepts me, I know that. She says my voice is nice, lol. I believe her, and I think I've really become more talkative because of her compliments, I used to hate my voice. But I can't really talk to her the same way I talk to my friends because she's from a really uptight community, while I'm from... a more ghetto-ish area. I tell her I have trouble on phones, but she just calls me silly for being nervous, I shouldn't be being nervous around her.

ilykeramen 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Omegathorion 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

ilykeramen said: "Try standing on the roof of your house and start yelling,"I'm ugly and I'm proud." It'll make you less nervous." Well... I don't think I'm that ugly... my self-esteem isn't dirt-low, it's just that I'm scared of phones because I used to stutter.

yoyonite2 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Omegathorion said: " Thanks... she accepts me, I know that. She says my voice is nice, lol. I believe her, and I think I've really become more talkative because of her compliments, I used to hate my voice. But I can't really talk to her the same way I talk to my friends because she's from a really uptight community, while I'm from... a more ghetto-ish area. I tell her I have trouble on phones, but she just calls me silly for being nervous, I shouldn't be being nervous around her." You're still getting used to talking to someone who you haven't really seen or talked to yet. It doesn't matter if you two come from a different community. It matters if you have the same interests and can relate to each other in such a way that builds up your relationship with one another. It's good that she's giving you compliments to relax you. You gotta relax yourself too. Just sit down or lay in bed. Give all your attention to her.

Omegathorion 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

yoyonite2 said: "You're still getting used to talking to someone who you haven't really seen or talked to yet. It doesn't matter if you two come from a different community. It matters if you have the same interests and can relate to each other in such a way that builds up your relationship with one another. It's good that she's giving you compliments to relax you. You gotta relax yourself too. Just sit down or lay in bed. Give all your attention to her." I can talk to her really easily online typing words like I'm doing now, it's just phones that scare me. Well... about the communities, I curse a lot in real life and her community really looks down on cursing. So if I accidentally say something like "Oh crap" or "What the hell?" then that's bad.

MySecretLife 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I get nervous on the phone as well. I hate my voice in general, and the phone just makes it worse, which is one reason I would prefer any other means of communication.

TobiasBlack 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

... same here; i am not comfortable using the phone at all...

CrimsonSpider 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

yoyonite2 said: " That was example of what he's comfortable on saying on the phone if he's talking to his friend. He doesn't mind short conversations like that but has problems with long conversations." It was quite ambiguous to me. There weren't a lot of hints for comparison there. I apologize for my mistake on page 1 anyway.

articuno73 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

CrimsonSpider said: " [quote]"Hey, you coming to tennis today?" "Yeah, sure, what time?" "3:00, see you there." ?" dude thats an example

yoyonite2 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Omegathorion said: " I can talk to her really easily online typing words like I'm doing now, it's just phones that scare me. Well... about the communities, I curse a lot in real life and her community really looks down on cursing. So if I accidentally say something like "Oh crap" or "What the hell?" then that's bad." It's a matter of adjusting your level of chivalry when talking a lady like that. Just try to get a casual conversation going. Try avoiding anything causes adrenaline in a conversation since it can cause cussing. I know that sounds like a lot of bull, but it worked for me. Once you can speak at a level that is comfortable for you both, then it'll be easy to talk about deeper topics. It just takes time my friend.

Herosgate 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

well, maybe instead of her calling you or you calling her why not just go over to her house and talk rather than talk on the phone if your so uncomfortable on the phone

Lousario 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Tell her you want to mate with her.

CrayonScribble 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice

NineCrimes 07/10/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Honestly, if you can't even talk on the phone with someone you know well, how do you expect to ever talk to someone you don't know, or GASP! TALK TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW. You're going to have to get over it, so talk on the phone until you're comfortable.