Hello, I've written a story. (2)

basilmarket.com forums : Chat | 15 posts archived

thread starter HSC95 Jun 14 2009 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Ok I re-did the Begining, Is this any better than this, link Here is the new beggining, Tell me which is better and why: Good-Bye By: HSC Chapter 1 Hello, my name is Mathew, Matt for short. I am 7-years old, and I am here to tell you about my new Best Friend, His name is Rex. He is one of the Best Friends I have. I found Him, A small stray pup, a couple weeks ago laying next to a tree with a long pointed stick wedged into his limb. That day was the day we met. I quickly ran him to my friend�s house, His mom was a Veterinarian. I saved him from death and he knew it too. From that day we have been best friends. It�s wonderful, having him around; It feels like Heaven. I haven�t named him yet, I�m thinking of calling him, Rex� Yeah that sounds good; My New best friend, Rex.

Nelon2566 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

That is the worst piece of literature I have ever read in my entire life.

megabob10 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

I was expecting to be bel-air'd.

skazo 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Nelon2566 said: "That is the worst piece of literature I have ever read in my entire life." Not the worst, but it's up there.

Spirit 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

If you expanded it and perhaps made it sound less, um, I dunno, one-sided, it might be better.

intimacy 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Kinda short for a story. Where's the conflict? The solution? The ending and even beginning? And it's a bit unoriginal. I'm sure there's thousands of stories out there about a boy and his bff dog.

CutMyJeans 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

fail pwnt ownt 1337 l33t ownt

punkgx1 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

if i'd had to rate it from 1-10, 10 being best, i would give it a 1.5... no joke

averby 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

It's like a children's book with cute pictures on every other page. If it was meant for younger children, then this is a good start, otherwise, you got to spice it up a bit.

Disastrous 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Nelon2566 said: "That is the worst piece of literature I have ever read in my entire life." I LOL'ED 'cuz I agree with this.

ThatsBulsh 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

skazo said: " Not the worst, but it's up there." Don't you mean...down there? But yeah, this "book" sucks...a lot.

Spirit 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

averby said: "It's like a children's book with cute pictures on every other page. If it was meant for younger children, then this is a good start, otherwise, you got to spice it up a bit. " Nicest way I have ever seen anyone put it.

Yos5 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

Choose a less generic name than Rex.

macsama 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

skazo said: " Not the worst, but it's up there." But a little too up to the top.

patsaccount 06/14/09 + PM | QUOTE | PERMALINK | REPORT

You need a hook. For what good reason should I care about some kid and his dog? Sorry for sounding so critical, but there needs to be something that makes people want to read them. Good luck on your writing.